Pretending to be religious

Ever felt out of control, like nobody’s listening, that people are living there own lives free and happy in spite of you?


Then pretending to be a religious person may be for you.


I have become religious mainly to use it as a weapon against friends and family when they are doing something I disagree with. It carry’s much more clout and a greater feeling of guilt if you have god figure on your side when giving advice to the innocent.

There are so many benefits to pretending to be religious, it is important not to believe in or actively take part in the religion you pick. So as not to be ladled with any guilt about the small or limited way you should lead your life. How ever, it is important to read up on your chosen path and to always have a couple of quotes or examples of script waiting in the wings for when you need to un reassure people about the way they are leading there way ward life’s.

Choosing a religion that is right for you is important it’s as important as the right shoes with the right outfit. A good way to start is to way up the pros and cons of the potential of religion and the ability and strength it can offer you in ruining people’s lives.

You may at first think for example that Buddhism could be a week choice as it’s so “passive” and inclusive, but never underestimate the power of lording something over people.
Recently for instance I was walking through the park near were I work and I came across a woman in her mid fifties practicing tia chi, what struck me about the woman, was not her crazy new age clothes and hair or in fact her miming making a cup of tea in the park for everyone to see. It was the look on her face, the “tai chi face” little bit smug, the look said I’m better than you, I’m happier, you’re a little bit stupid, I am enlightened, I am the important one, I am to behold, I get it. All in one look. This is not unlike the look you need to adopt if pretending to be a Buddhist, lording it over everybody.

The best religion that has worked for me is Catholicism, it is fantastic there are so many rules and regulations, so many ways in which, with the lords help you can damn friends and family.

Elevating you were you belong, on the moral high ground. There is no were I would want to live my life more. It is important to keep your private life a secret if you are to stay up living on the moral high ground, through this experience you may find as I did that that your private life becomes more out of control than before, the drug taking grave robbing and 10 in a bed romps happen much more often now that I am pretending to be religious.

I am quite lucky in the fact that I have pretty gordy taste so a religious décor is just to my liking. It’s important to put pictures and statues everywhere in your home that signify your chosen religion. The more bloody and gory the better, You want to step in that home and in my case see/ feel like you are in the Vatican. (House of what ever you’re chosen religion) I have taken away all seating and have little stone alters were people can make themselves uncomfortable when visiting. And with great expense have huge statues of Jesus on the cross levitating above the bed’s, for when people stay over. The great thing about catholism in the décor stakes, there is no such thing as “over the top” lay the gold and guilt on thick.

Lets go back to guilt, to prey on peoples “good Will” is important, once you start, u realise specially in English people it can be limitless. With the help of religion you can ruin so many events and special things for loved ones. Even if people are not religious in your life, because you are, you will be able to go all the way. Respect for your religion with have them cleaning your alters with holy water in no time.

Visions are important to keep interest going, I have been visited many times by Jeezzu him self in the form of crosswords. Writing messages like

“No more fun”


A Crossword is a fantastic tool in creating messages because you can make them say what ever you like.


This is also true of dot to dots as you can draw anything you like and site it as “a vision
Example


Swearing is also completely band in my presents which can stop some people in the middle of something they are saying could be a boring story they are regaling in front of a group of friends. Use this opportunity to halt there rubbish story, and tell them off, “please do not take the lords name in vain” embarrass them and then move on to your thoughts and feelings on why religion is so important, and shove your religious view point down there throats, this will in turn give all the attention back on to you were it belongs.

Another great mechanism of spite is suggesting that those of your friends and family that are non believers go to a class to learn about your religion. Now be careful here that could just refuse saying its not really there thing. That’s why it is important to pay for the class, if you can find a really expensive one then its worth the money, make sure to show them receipts and the fact that you cant cancel it. Make sure it is in the summer time, try to get a weekend course so as to ruin there free time.

A religious holiday is not out of the question, for me its just the perfect destination, Jerusalem in the height of summer, what could be more uncomfortable. An example of my holiday plans would be insisting living as pilgrims on arrival as Jesus had. The whole holiday would be cursed with the phrase “would Jesus have done that?” to accompany you on such a religious holiday choose carefully, my instinct tells me to go for a doo gooder, someone who just cant say no, someone who may have crossed you in the past. Don’t go with more than one person so your will is never out numbered. You may say, well I am also having the hardship of this holiday it wont be much fun for me. You would be wrong, the pleasure of pretending to have faith and controlling and ruining somebody’s holiday is payment enough.

Make believing to be a religious person is the best gift I could give to the people in my life, a sort of thank you for all the things they have never done for me.
I have found pretending to be religious for a short and very intense time will suffice, a year too two is probably good enough. This will give you the right amount of time to take over all of the various holidays and ruin them with your religion.


“Life dragging your tired ugly old face into the gutter?

“Get a faith lift”