Poem-Everyone' favorite Dish

Everyone’s Favourite Dish

I was on top at the back getting shushed again
Met you at the back of the bus
You’re everyone’s favourite dish
Want to take my time and not rush
To make up for all the sex and party’s Id missed
Obsessive compulsive list
All furniture b4 leaving the house is kissed
I ordered everyone’s favourite dish
Fish and chips with out the fish!
Chips!

Poem-Love

LOVE

Loves like a smouldering cadaver
Loves like when you can’t have her, or him!
Love is like drippin on your veggie sarnie
Loves like riding the wave of a tsunami
Love supposed to happen when you looking
Love happens to me when I’m fucking
Or drinking, when I’m not thinking
Alone with a fashion mistaken hat
Loves being accepted even when you’re fat.

Poem-Sabu

SABU

Sabu the goat lived on Suicide Mountain
He had a mobile home, a microphone with a council pop fountain and a laptop
He liked to keep other goats out of sight
And walked around the mountain feeling spite
He was glad he was alone
He hated other goats and enjoyed being remote
He spent his days counting grass
And thinking of all the goats that had crossed him in the past
And how happy he was on Suicide Mountain
All alone with his laptop and council pop fountain
He spent his nights drinking, smoking and swearing
Usually wearing women’s clothes
He liked to expose himself on the net
To vets
Often he would sing on the Mike
Cross dressing songs and slurs of shite
On Suicide Mountain it always rained
Alone in women’s clothes Sabu never felt ashamed
And he was happy that every day was the
Same.

Poem-Clean Winda's

Clean Winda's

I plan to fake a fall at work
Get six months of leave
fall in love with a window cleaner named Steve
We’d travel the country cleanin windas id live like cindas
All I’d have wud be a man a van and sum windolene
I might email or fax when I’m on the road but I doubt it
Id be to busy on the scene getting my next meal and keeping clean
Where ill end up I don’t care or know I’m just really looking forward to seeing life
Through a clean window.

Poem-Bikini

BIKINi

My name is bikini
I’m a teeny tiny weenie
Squirrel
coasting on the edge of time committing crime
I'm a cheeky little fucker
living in mucker, my names bikini
I’m a naughty little spiteful squirrel, spiteful
spitefully dancing to the disco beat
look-in for something to eat
I’m all alone
no home
living on the road with toad
duck in and diving
pissin in Alleys and skiving from doing work always lurk in
behind trees
that’s where you'll find me
I’m a tasty burger
with a fuckin lurger I’m a
squirrel bitch
who ain't rich
but I got bitch tits
and violent spits.

Poem-Su Den

SU DEN

If work pushes me one more time
Or decides to change their minds
About rules and regulations
And petty crime like steeling cash
Meetings about rehashed hash and verbal warnings about lateness
And sick days
If work keeps pushin me
I’ve made up my mind what to do

What to do!

I’m going to become a fake pre op tranny
And tell em to call me su

12 months to live and dress as a lady
Me up lady me down
Ill become the worst drag queen pre op trannie in town
Bad wig, short skirts and bright make up
Chest bare fishnet tights
High heels and facial hair

I’m going pre op pre op
Don’t stop me I’m pre op

Ill be sick allot
Commit petty crime
Be late allot do over time
No one can touch me when I’m dressed as Su
And if they do
Ill scream discrimination from the rooftops
And su will sue

So if you’re sick and tired of bossy managers at work
Here’s what to do
Become a fake pre op tranny and
Make em call ya Su

Poem-I fell in love with a photocopier

I fell in love with a photocopier

I wined and dined you but you never held my hand

You just had more copying planned

I want to take you dancing around the office
Would anybody notice?

Late at night after five when you’re all mine ill pour you a glass of
Toner,
flip your lid over We have so much fun I know you love it when I copy my bum
You’re in everything that I do, can’t imagine life without …
double sided and stapled in one Sexy shove!

Is it any wonder that I’m in love?

I can never stay mad at you for long even though you’re always breaking down and going wrong

Months years go by and everything changes things are lost and found
In different stages flowers live and die
I get more wrinkles around the eyes
Oceans rise and fall I’m hard against the wall of life

I’m so grateful I have you Mr Photocopier as my wife

You’re not valued for what you do
People don’t give you the respect you deserve
They think your only there do there choirs and serve
I can’t tell you how much I want to thank you for all you have done and all our private fun

My life became a whole lot soppier

When I fell in love with the photocopier

Poem- Whiff of piss

(Featured in the Mask issuse (October 2008) of Pisszine-http://www.pisszine.org/HOME.html
Whiff of Piss

I’m dreamin I’m dancing the lights fantastic
in me elastics
Everyone’s clapping and laughing
I’m a show not to miss

then I got a whiff of piss

I’m shmoozing oozing confidence
I’m one on me own
never alone
laughin at jokes
chattin up blokes
I’m go getin, jet settin
dog wettin warrior
I’m all over the world in my diamonds and pearls
I’m out on a limb
eatin fake chicken
suckin my teeth and licken my lips with grief
I’m boxing and foxing taking risks

When I got a whiff of piss.

I met the one last night
I’ve got him in sight
I’m side winding
book binding him in
he told me he’s got a boyfreind
seems to be a trend with men I like
I’m permently on my bike
I pretend to laugh and get the gist

then I got a whiff of piss.

I’m day dreamin sky lighting
creative writing in my bedroom
I’m goin out soon
happy to serve you sir
my velvetine queen commands me
she never demands I take it easy
I try to keep my sleaziness into a small aspect
I never wanted to have sex
just did it cos you asked me
like John Lennon said let it be
I think we should both run away together

Except me.

set the hay on fire
lick electric wires
and fall from the sky
with violets in your eyes
start taking No for an answer
become a disco dancer with clubbed feet from Sheffield
I close my eyes and start to wish.

When I got a whiff of piss.

Poem-Pastry maker

Pastry Maker

Apparently you will meet him when your not looking
To be honest Ive stopped thinking about
Fucking altogether
I’d rather think about the

weather!

For instance, I never think about sucking big cocks in gazebos
on my knees in nice frocks

No, No
the thought never crosses my mind,
the man for me has become increasingly hard to find!
Social graces, in the embraces of unsuitable and plain stinking breaths,
I’m looking for mr right but I just can’t see

one day I realised he could be waiting for me
probably not here
but on the other side of the world making pastry’s and tea
or something?
free from all the hum drum up your bum re-a-lity
or something?

I decided to swim there Ill pack my lunch in my hair
I’ve got to find him and hide him
claim him and chain him
my sweet pastry maker
role me out and cut me into heart shapes
cook me and eat me up
yum yum I thought.

Praps I ought to have rang first?

how rude to arrive unannounced
looking like such a flounce!

Im swimming towards the sunset
stiff upper lip still not wet
I try to stop myself ranting and begin chanting.

ooh arhh Pastry Maker
ooh arhh Pastry Maker
ooh arhh Pastry Maker
ooh arhh Pastry Maker

ooh arhh Pastry Maker
ooh arhh Pastry Maker
ooh arhh Pastry Maker
ooh arhh Pastry Maker.

Poem-Sleeping pills......

Sleeping Pills

Took a sleeping pill cos there was nothing on the telly

started wearing a welly on me head

been two weeks now, still nofins been said,

blah blah blah is all I ever hear

got me ears syringed to make it clearer

wish I was lost at sea

were no one could find me

with chips and mushy peas

away from mobile phones and people that sneeze.

On the tube……………………

Poem- Aren't you fucking dead yet?

Aren't you fucking dead yet?

Poisoned you at dinner turned turkey burger sinner
Drowned you in the lake by mistake
You were allergic to nuts
Put them in your birthday cake at pizza huts

Stabbed you in the back
Throo you under a bus
Chopped you into bits
Pushed you down the toilet and flushed

Went for a walk white cliffs of Dover
Never meant to push you over
You gotta believe I never wanted you dead
Electric window chopped off your head

Killed you by accident with an iron
Smashed you in the face by mistake

Took you to the zoo
Fed you to the lions
It wasn’t my fault
Stuck by a lightning bolt

All this effort and your still not

Fucking dead

When I turn over there you are in the bed
Drooling and snoring

And live continues to be just as fuckin

Borin!

Poem-Suicide Pact

Suicide Pact


We made a suicide pact
But I forgot to do it
We were at the edge of the bridge about to jump together
When I blew it
I sneezed and a cough
And when I looked back, you had jumped off

the edge
And all that was left was your high step orange shoes the ones you loved with the wedge

I felt bad at first
Knowing that I’d come of worst.

I started a new life the next day
I decided that I would have wanted you to want it that way

Sorry you ended up dead
But since you are
Life’s got a whole lot better
I’ve started wearin your angora sweater and sleepin on your side
Of the bed
I’ve got rid of all your belongings and cleaned out the shed.

I’m getting out more
Finally Got the new floor put down in the lobby,
Started some new hobbies

I’ve taken up roller booting and cake making

On the whole there is just more room for me

Finally feelin a bit of free

Funny what people do

Ok Ok Ok!



I’ll admit it I pushed you.

Poem-Human Chicken

Human Chicken

I hang out in my hutch Getting up to nottin much
Like to squawk and eat grain Every day’s the same
I’m a human chicken Finger lick in good
I just wish I could fly away A feeling of doom’s coming my way
Flap me wings And I sing I’m a cockadoodling do Nothing else to do

I’m in love with cock

Eat myself whole Nothing left but the soles of my feet
I’ll have to beach treat You might even meet me and eat me! If you order human chicken
I’m finger lick in good
I’m out at the night spots Eatin tofu treats Dancing to funky chicken beats
I’m gonna peck peck peck, Cos there’s nothing else to do
Peckin till my wings fall off

And I spew.
Eating myself up in kfc Can’t think how
I’m gonna get free Or get cock to notice me
I’m side winding Pickin up trends Eating my friends
I wanna chow down
Didn’t realize roosters around
Telling me I’m stupid
He never knew cupid Or experienced love
Never learnt to flap his Wings like a dove
Like flight of the navigator

C u later Chicken hater!

Poem- Scrubbers

Poem - Supermarket Slag

Supermarket Slag

I gave up workin 9-5 a year ago
Decided to become a professional Ho
That’s when I moved in to Tesco!

I Turn trix with me trolley
Meet me on isle sixteen
And ill show you me lolly’s and ice creams
Come eye me up and bye me
I’m just what you needs
I’m in frozen foods just near the peas!

Suckin all day long
I watch you shoppers
Suckin ice poppers
Pushin your trolleys getting stitch
Savin your coupons for turkey burger tits
Like mine!
Over a glass of wine
And chips
I’m versatile no style
Can be wild sexy dolly
Cum ride me trolley
Play hide and seek I’m a Tesco freaky
Slag wrapped in Tesco plastic bags